FG 4-01

Family guy is back. Watched the first episode only to realise that it may be falling prey to the sitcom syndrome of morphing into excreta. Maybe it's just the first episode, the episode of return, that seems to have lost its typical edge. Jokes seem contrived to fit the format. Not as witty or whacky as the earlier seasons, though i'm guessing overexposure has stolen some of the charm.

Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope all goes well and whacky.

Either way, I'm accepting donations. Go ahead. Do your good deed for the day.

My breakup

Really, I'm tired of her. Completely tired. I never wanted to say this but she's grown tiresome, the same every night. More than anything, I'm just very bored with what we have. To be fair, we haven't been seeing each other in some time and this was bound to happen. I'm hoping that it's good we just break it off now before it gets too serious. It's been 9 months since we started seeing each other quite regularly. Yes, I know, it started out quite innocently. I didn't even realise I was calling her so often until someone else pointed it out. But, it's too late now. There's no spark, no fire, no life in this relationship. And I think all she's interested in is my money.

It's not just her fault though. I wanted the same thing from her each time, each night we spent together. She nourished me, gave me life when I most needed it. She was always accomodating in those days, always ready to come over. But lately even that has changed. She's as fickle as the weather now. But I'll still give her this much - she's the best of her lot.

No, I won't have anymore of it. This is goodbye. If we meet again perchance, let's hope it goes favourably.

Adieu Canadian Pizza.

The final hurdle

Yup. Now I've done all that I can do at work i.e.

1. Work
2. Not work
3. Take off repeatedly to the extent where I think I ought to be fired.
4. Take off still.
5. Pretend to work
6. Smoke on the ledge outside, on the 29th floor. At the very edge.
7. Drink at my cubicle (today)
8. Smoke and drink on the ledge outside.

It's all done. Everything except weed. Weed is the final hurdle. Cmon, boys, girls and my friends, give me weed.

Not to worry, one way or another, I'm gonna get you.

P.S. I'm quite high right now, after half a bottle of Sri Lankan Coconut Arrack courtesy of Lakshan. Consumed comfortably at my cubicle and his and during a conference call with a company in America. It's all good; too good to be true.

P.P.S If you have weed, contact me. Now

maddox.xmission.com

The inspiration - Maddox (the Vitriol Man)

Birth of Phrases - 1

Don't rain on my parade.

This goes way back, to the times of mythology ( no, not high school); the days when the gods did it with animals on slow sundays. And you wondered why them gods have extra hands, heads, fur and why each god has his day.

Circa Day when Man realised stubble can be cool causing huge internal debate on shaving

Random guy:
Hey, I'm going to have a fantastic parade with gay clowns, mutant donkeys and people who can write backwards with moderate speed (ahh a nasty one there, i know). Woohoo!

God:
Fuck you. It's gonna rain.

Random guy:
Please don't rain on my parade.

God:
Refer to earlier statement.

BIRTH!!!

Crap changed your life....and mine

Crap is underrated. Cutiesoft will one day rise and take over the developed world to gain its deserved recognition and crap.

I look, at the loo, and I see, it needs cleaning..wah wahh wahh wah.(apologies to the Beatles/Loo/Clapton, though not necessarily in that order).

Let's fill it up with Cutiesoft from top to bottom, from side to side, from crap to crap. Its like putting water on fire right. Somehow it will all turn out a-ok in the end, or so said Confucius when the apple fell on his colleague's head.

Look, cmon, we all know Newton was groovy but yeah right, that story is all bull. He was just sitting under a tree employing Cutiesoft or something to that effect. Some passerby understandably got ticked off and threw his breakfast at old Newtie Cutie and bingo Newtie was out colder than a supermodel at a garage sale. Of course, that's hardly a story Newtie wants his girl to know. So it takes a few strangling twists and turns, inventing a whole new universal force in its wake. A mere technicality to change the focus of what actually happened. It's all too simple. If you replace all the letters of the word 'apple' with random other letters one at a time, you'll probably die of boredom. So you just choose one of the first words in a book like Newts did and voila, gravity was born, a total bastard as it were.

The birth of gravity ( aka 'do in loo what you would under tree')

Actors – Tree, Newtie, Cutiesoft , Passerby, , Half-eaten apple

Scene: Newtie under tree engaging with Cutiesoft

Passerby:
Hey, what are you doing under that tree?

Newtie:
Erm…sitting, partying…..my hero’s Buddha…there’s this new thing in town called Cutiesoft at discount r...

Passerby:
You can’t do that here. That’s disgusting. How could you even imagine doing something like that? Filthy.....Cutiesoft, you say?

Newtie:
Cutiesoft is my new idea to change the way people view the world or crap or neither. Really, I need to focus now.

Passerby:
(visibly bored and looking for things to hurl)
Take that, you,you...guy.
(Note - Passersby of our age owe their dull witted comebacks to these wild ancestors. Pedestrian is a loaded word, yes)

Half-eaten apple jumps reluctantly jumps from passerby to Newts to knock the latter out.

Newts wakes up 2 days later in a ditch to find that someone has been using his hat for collecting berries. In a rage, he invents a new force.

P.S. Half-eaten apple and Cutiesoft elope to create mutant children that are filthy but manage to keep the doctor away.

P.P.S. Really.

Lonely lazy lad lounged

Spent the day at home..yes..in complete squalor. I challenge you to better waste 24 hrs.

Goddamn this laptop. All laptops with a dvd drive ought to have built-in decoders. Always left at the Gates of hell with Microsoft ( i know bad joke but yeah you spend a day at home and let' see the wisecracks you come up with)

Anyway dozed off yet again at dusk to wake up with the shocking yet amusing realisation that I still hadn't gotten my MC (yes now i actually do go get one)

Went to the clementi doc. The shock on my face was apparent when I walked in through the door marked "Dr. Margaret Ng" to find a young almost intern-looking guy holding stethoscopes (almost as if to reassure himself). Well, gave him my whole history (the deal with the incredible amazing flu and the throat/ear infections). The fear in his eyes just kept growing and growing and when finally it was ready to leave home for higher studies (hah!) after I said that my cough was still very much around, "Margaret" lunged for my wrist and held on. Apparently, he felt the urge to check my pulse. After a few seconds, he let go to assume a slightly calmer expression.

Probably just wanted to check if I was still alive. The pulse of course is the best way to confirm that.

Came home with an MC for the day, at 11:30pm. Wonder if it will be a source of humour at work. Let's hope.

Suckass Saturday

Morning - Spent in recuperation following Friday's alcohol.

Afternoon - Lunch at Komala's followed by immediate return to home base.

Evening - Spent wondering how to spend it.

Night - Spent wondering why the evening wasn't spent better.

Now - Typing here to spend time.

Hate the words spend/spent/time/"cmon, just chill"/"let's party!"/"how about a meeting?"/"oh, you mean you wanted less rice"